Sunday, November 05, 2006

The Ten Fashion Commandments


I'm baaack! Like what TFD has said, the past three weeks have been crazy for me. Last Sunday, we celebrated my baby's 1st birthday. I didn't know planning a children's party can be so stressful. Oh well, enough of my personal life. I know you guys want to hear about something fashion-related (although choosing outfits for my baby was like doing fashion work...talagang kinareer ko siya)Well, we think it's about time we bring out the good stuff once more...

As a woman so consumed with fashion (well, who isn't), I believe there are certain rules we should live by. Sigh, if everyone can just follow these commandments, fashion victims will be a thing of the past. Or if we can just send offenders and sinners straight to style-hell, the world will be a better place to live in. If you're still one of those who think they've got it , when in reality is that their choices are just so irrelevant in the year 2006, better read on.

THE TEN FASHION COMMANDMENTS

I. I am the Trend god, thou shall not have strange trends before me : You need not have formal training or be a fashion expert to know what the CURRENT trends are and which of these trends are applicable to you. You can start by carefully taking into consideration your age and your body-type. There are a lot of fashion magazines that you can read to help educate you on what’s in and what’s out. And if you can buy those hideous clothes that you think make you look so fab (barf), buying magazines should be number one on your shopping list.

II. Thou shall not take the name of great designers in vain: If you claim to know these great designers (patawarin ka sana ng Diyos!), make sure you spell their names right or better, pronounce them correctly. Can you say Ghesquiere, Proenza Schouler or Ann Demeulemeester 20 times? I doubt you could 'coz you can't even say simple colors correctly. "COCKY" and "KHAKI" are two different words, hence should't sound the same.

III. Remember thou to keep holy shopping day
: Before you go run out and buy another ridiculous outfit, why don’t you seek the help of a stylist first or even a fashionable friend…maybe she can help exorcise those bad-taste demons out.

IV. Honor thy friend's discovery: Just because you get to COPY and PURCHASE your friend's fabulous top, that doesn't give you the right to act as if you originally thought of buying the top first. Your friend will appreciate it more if you say, "I like your top, hope you don't mind if I get one as well."

V. Thou shall kill...a past fad!
: According to our dear 'ol Mr. Webster, a fad is fashion that is taken up with great enthusiasm for a brief period of time; So if those circa 1996 loafers were a fad during that time, they can't possibly be a fad still in the year 2006.

VI. Thou can commit brand adultery: Gone are the days when your shirt is Ralph Lauren, your belt is Ralph Lauren and your shoes are Ralph Lauren! There are a thousands brands to choose from and the key is mixing these labels and creating your own unique look.


VII. Thou shall not steal your neighbor's bag, shoes, clothes
… My friends and I are so sensitive when it comes to these things. If I know my friend purchased bag X before I did (or if I know bag X is in her list of MUST-HAVES), and I get the opportunity to get the bag, I will inform her that I intend to buy bag X. For me, that is just plain COURTESY. I really can’t stand people who pretend that they never knew you had BAG X or act as if they've gone deaf all of a sudden when you mentioned you liked BAG X. Well maybe, that’s why these people usually end up looking like fashion victims since they usually cannot pull-off a look that is stolen. (Agree, Ms. Singapore Sling? Isn’t revenge sweet!)

VIII. Thou can bear true and honest witness against thy neighbor: If you think you can’t kick the bitch off her fake pedestal the old fashion way, put up your own blog and air your frustrations there. (Salut to themanilafashionobserver and other blogs out there that write about uncensored fashion critiques and not just write about press releases. And for those who took kiss-assing to the next blog level, word of advise, please write about something more relevant 'coz for most readers, self-promotion and out-of-this world advertorials are all but nonsense chatter).

IX. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s life
: Wake up and smell the coffee (reality check my dear), if you weren’t born rich, don’t act as if you were. Don’t you know that a little research on your background can burst your imaginary-family-history bubble? Kilabutan ka naman sana sa kakaimbento mo! So what if you have rich friends? It’s not a sin to hang out with those people but it’s just plain pathetic if you talk like your parents are the Kennedys even if you only used to live in Kennedy Street, Cubao.


X. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s goods…or weather for that matter
: Just because you love the way Japanese, French or Italian women dress, doesn’t mean you can copy every single clothing or accessory they have, wear them here in Manila and walk in your own mythical winter wonderland. Last I checked, we only have two seasons. Unless you have a snow maker back home, use these winter items only when abroad.

May the fashion forces be with you!

xoxo

The French Muse

7 Comments:

Blogger cd said...

This is hilarious! (On the verge of bordering on blasphemy, but I think He will let it go, I'm sure He has a sense of humor!) Hahaha! Oh, and thanks for the mention! May He bless your sole! =)

10:18 PM  
Blogger stylePOD said...

np cd! we really enjoyed one of your recent post. Thank God for brave souls like you :)

11:28 PM  
Blogger jillsabs said...

this is great! i hope more people read this :)

8:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HAHA. Very well said.
I know a couple of people who are guilty of these sins but it's best we just keep them in anonymous. I've learned that with fashion choices and picks, it's best to keep your cards close to yourself (or only those whom you completely trust) right? And just let those copy cats be caught off guard! ;0

2:02 PM  
Anonymous ruby gan said...

FUNNY! :D hahaha!

10:00 PM  
Anonymous racquelle said...

who is the blogger jenny eperson is talking about on her blog?

7:48 AM  
Blogger stylePOD said...

hi raquelle. we have no idea. maybe you can ask her. thanks for dropping by :)

3:03 PM  

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